White People, they're just like US!

My husband, Chris, is a celebrity. I didn't know this before we got married, but since we moved to India it's becoming more and more apparent. He's likely one of the most popular people in Lucknow. People crowd around to meet him, 'accidentally' bump into him, snap his picture when he is and isn't looking, hand him their babies to hold, or simply just stare at him while he's doing what everyone else is doing: riding his bike, purchasing groceries, walking, eating, talking. One man at the bazaar, actually yelled to the patrons around us "Oh my GOD! Look, a white guy, buying kerosene lamps! Look Look!" (White People, they're just like US!) Naturally, a crowd formed around Chris and I. I now know how zoo animals must feel. 

Being South-Asian, I always knew that lighter skin is valued over tanner skin but I never fully understood the obsession until I moved here. The glorification of being white or light-skinned has actually really surprised me, particularly because I know plenty of lighter-skinned people who would kill for a permanent tan like most Indians. The look of complete shock and disgust on Indian faces when I tell them that people in the US actually spray themselves (including the current Republican candidate for President, Mitt Romney) to darken their skin, is priceless. The latest trend that I've seen here is not only to lighten your face or your hands but your vagina. I'm now seeing this obsession through the eyes of a (proudly) brown woman married to a white man. 

Many people Chris and I have met are surprised to learn that we are married. Some have immediately asked me "Were your parents there?"other have wanted proof of our marriage and so asked "If you're married, where are the kids?" When we explain that we've only been married a few months, they respond with "Oh, ok, so you must be trying?!" (Hello, nice to meet you. Yes, I'm ready to discuss my sex life with you.) The most interesting conversation I had was with a woman who simply could not understand why a white man would ever want to marry a "Desi-Larki" or  woman of South-Asian decent. She was convinced that I came from a lot of money or something else had to explain how Chris and I could possibly be married. 

Since arriving in Lucknow, I've needed to pick up face wash or a moisturizer a few times. At several stores, I discovered that it is extremely rare to find face wash or a moisturizer that doesn't contain bleaching elements.  So I tend to stand in the aisle reading over my options several times (the quantity and quality of products seems to change daily) to ensure I find one intended to moisturize and not lighten my skin. Three times now, while browsing, a salesclerk has asked if I need help, when I tell her (all three happen to have been female) what I am looking for, she points to Chris and asks who he is. I respond by telling her that he's my husband and in turn she says "ok!" and hands me a tube of "Fair and Lovely." I respectfully tell her that I need something without bleaching elements and she points to Chris and says "....but your husband is so white" (the implication being 'and so you should be too!') and each time I just walk away.  

I never really paid much attention to our racial differences because to be honest, they don't matter much to us. Chris and I both believe in equality for all, regardless of race, class, gender, religion, or sexual orientation. So outside of ensuring that our wedding respected both our racial, ethnic, and religious traditions, I have never really thought much about my race or the color of my skin in comparison to Chris' because there is no comparison. Unfortunately, that's not the case here. 

White, brown, purple, pink, orange, yellow, black, the color of your skin shouldn't matter, we are all just people. I wish more Indians, actually the world, felt the same way. It's only a matter of time before we all become a hybrid of one another, no one race should be considered superior over another. The world is mixing, as comedian Russell Peters explains, and there is nothing anything can do about it. 

The Apartment HUNT.

Chris and I arrived in Lucknow on June 15 and stayed at a guesthouse which was an upstairs apartment in a family home. We shared this apartment with two students who were in Lucknow for the summer to study Urdu. Although it was quite fun sharing an apartment with these two young, bright ladies, we were newly married and thought it was important to find a place to call our own. So we started our apartment (or "flat") hunt.

Before I begin, I should mention that there are three main modes of public transportation in Lucknow: a cycle rickshaw, an auto (or tuk tuk), and a tempo (bigger tuk tuk). The autos and tempos typically work like city buses so in the 115+ weather, Chris and I decided the cycle rickshaw would be the best way to get around since we could just rent it for the day. We would try and head out around 8am, but no one would really be around until 11am or so (the hottest point in the day), it took a lot of will power to head out at that time. We initially tried to look at places we found listed in the newspaper or on the internet.

Moving by cycle-rickshaw

Oh I almost forgot, in India (or at least Lucknow) when you get an apartment, it has nothing in it. When I say "nothing," I mean nothing, you need to furnish the whole place, from light switches to appliances and everything in between. Once this dawned on us, we determined that for basic necessities we would need at least $7000 USD. So we set out to find a fully furnished place....

The first place we saw was an apartment below the apartment of the landlord. They claimed it was "fully furnished." We walked into the apartment and were asked to sit down by the lady of the house. Below is how the conversation went:

Lady: How do you know each other?
Me: We're married.
Lady: How can that be?
Me: I'm sorry?
Lady: Are you Muslim?
Me: Yes.
Lady: and you're married?
Me: Yes, this is my husband.
Lady: Were your parents at the wedding?
Me: Of course.
<awkward silence>
Chris: So what's close to here? Are there any malls, grocery stores? Can we see the house?
Gentleman: Yes.
<no one moves>
Lady: When did you get married?
Me (to Chris): I think we should go.

We did eventually see the house, which looked like a torn up frat house with pink walls, open kitchen (no, not like what you would consider an 'open floorplan,' open as in there was no roof over it), bird droppings galore, and when Chris asked them if they could turn on the air conditioner or stove, the gentleman would bob his head from side to side without actually doing anything. It was partially furnished at best, but we actually didn't stick around long enough to do a full assessment.

The second apartment we saw, we actually didn't. That conversation went something like this:

Chris: So the apartment is fully furnished.
Property Manager: Yes, yes, it has everything.
Me: So it has a fridge, beds, stove, lights, fans, everything?
Property Manager: No, no, but we put a tube light in it!

After a few more incidences such as these, we decided we needed a different approach, we needed an agent. Chris is one of the most resourceful and adaptable people I know, thankfully I'm married to him. He called the Indian equivalent of '411' and got a list of agents in the area. Then, he called every single one of them and as soon as they heard his voice on the phone, they were on a mission to find us what we were looking for. Unfortunately, many of them showed us unfurnished places or places that were out in a "township." 

A township in Lucknow consists of "premium homes....where fine living comes alive in imperial grandeur." Most of these townships include swimming pools, gyms, medical facilities, walking paths, etc. We saw one about an hour and 30 minutes away from where Chris would need to conduct his research and quickly realized that we would be living in Lucknow without really living in Lucknow. Not to mention, the cost was about four times what we were hoping to spend and we would need to purchase a car.

So back at square one, Chris randomly receives a call from a guy whose house students from the American Institute of Indian Studies (AIIS, based in Lucknow) used to live in, he doesn't have any students coming through this year so was wondering if we would be interested in renting his "fully furnished" flat. We thank our lucky stars! Chris had been there before, the apartment was centrally located and had all the basic amenities we needed! Chris encouraged me to take a look too, after everything else we had seen, this seemed liked the perfect match. Four long weeks of sweat, tears, and many a rickshaw rides.... we had an apartment! 

The next challenge was making this apartment, a home for the next year +. Here are a few pictures of our place:

The brown sofas with gold and chocolate brown flowers, beautiful! 

The house is not perfect, it definitely needs a paint job, new cabinets, appliances, and non-brown furniture but since we won't be here forever, we're adding little things to make it our home: 

We hope you come visit! 

2012, The First Six Months...

I've decided to pick up blogging again. I've been encouraged to write about my latest adventures so here's another go at chronicling my life. Don't get too excited, I can't promise any inspiration. 

I left off with departing from Kenya in December of 2011, it's been a crazy 10 months since then. As soon as I arrived back on US soil, I was in a state of bliss consumed with family and friend time. Man, I missed these people. Christmas was awesome. I was engaged and now a legit family member. I got my very own stocking! Growing up Muslim, I hated Christmas because I loved it so much and we didn't celebrate it. When I got engaged, my mom said, "your life-long dream of celebrating Christmas is becoming a reality." It was true, the mulled cider, the presents, the cookies, the mistletoe, snow, and the tree, I got it now! Santa didn't just pass over my house! 

Following Christmas, we headed to Canaan Valley, WV where we had a joint (Jack & Jill)  bachelor and bachelorette party over New Years weekend. Most of our closest friends made the trek out to WV and the party that ensued was unforgettable. Definitely my best new years to date!

Shortly after New Years, I embarked on a wedding shopping trip to Karachi, Pakistan with my sister, grandmother, and mom. My sister was getting married four months after me, so we were doing this together. Chris and I decided to have a massive bridal party so I was shopping for 15 women, myself, and handful of family members. I don't like shopping. Most times when I head to the mall, I get itchy, my throat starts closing, and I typically leave the mall in tears because nothing fit or looked good and I wish I just had money for a personal shopper. So put me in a country where the security situation is uncertain, traffic is a nightmare, bargaining is a must, and when you ask for "something in a bright yellow," they bring you olive green because "I think this just looks better." Well, sir you haven't been planning every last detail around a jewel-toned wedding! When I said I want bright yellow, BRING ME BRIGHT YELLOW. As stressful as this was, I'm so glad my sister was with me, I think I would've jumped on the next plane home if she hadn't been there.  So between incidents of food poisoning, riots and curfews, sitting in traffic for hours, and overly excited shop keepers, after 10, 12 hour shopping days, we were done and determined to make our marriages work. We were never doing this again. Wedding shopping is not what the bridal magazines make it out to be, at least not in Pakistan. 

Actually, wedding planning in general might have been one of the most dreadful tasks I've completed to date. Don't get me wrong, I loved my wedding and the weekend surrounding it. It was actually a total fairytale, but the planning, I totally could've done without. I definitely have a new found appreciation for weddings. I am also glad I had a wedding because during the planning, I wasn't sure I would be. The speeches, the toasts, the hugs, the worlds colliding (my liberal progressive college friends chatting it up with my uber-conservative uncle) and the random acts of kindness from family and friends have left permanent indentations in my heart, and that was definitely the best part. 

So, I got married to my best friend! It's been about four months and people ask "how's married life?" and I answer, "it's like having a slumber party every night!" It's true, we might be 30 but inside we're really 12 year olds, totally stoked to play games and stay up late watching movies. 

Well, this might actually be because shortly after getting married we moved to Lucknow, India, where the nightlife is "provincial" rather than "cosmopolitan." In other words, a night out includes: a trip to McDonalds at the mall, eating a paneer burger under parking lot lamps swatting buzzing flies and mosquitos. 

This is all for today, hope someone reads this and is enticed to continue reading about our crazy yet not-so-exciting life in India.